The sound of her talking was so much a part of my world that I couldn’t hear it anymore. To be angry was temporary. The world was a place that needs much tolerance. (Exerpt from The story of Edgar Sawtelle)
Seriously
Posted in Uncategorized on September 4, 2009 by Stella Chan“ I need to admit up front that I don’t know how to have a fling. I’m not good at playing around and then saying good-bye. I’m throwing myself at your feet because I’m hoping for a shot at forever. You don’t have to say anything now, no promises required. I just thought you should know.”
Another lengthy post
Posted in Uncategorized on September 4, 2009 by Stella Chan“Often it is the most deserving peoplewho cannot help loving those who destroy them.”
Ignorance is a bliss because if you don’t know anything, it can’t hurt you. Back to when we just started to walk and talk, we are ourselves and we get along easily. As we age, the further we lose ourselves, and hide ourselves because the fear of others. As we grow more mature, we become increasingly aware of pain and sufferings, we know about how wrong is the world, and how we lose our innocence compare to ourselves when we are still a child.
Veritas vincit omnia, truth reveals all. When we don’t meet up with our life’s expectation, we will hopefully get some comfort from someone, somewhere, sometime in fantasy-land. Let’s suck up. Deep down at the core, we know nobody will ever understand you completely. It is mentally and biologically impossible. So, you can only speak of yourself. You go on thinking about you, talking about you and do things about you. The world just suddenly revolves around you.
The things you know about others, the ways to communicate then the part where people comprehend will always be distorted. The ugly truth is there is no such thing as perfect trust. Much of our life is directed by things preceding us , therefore out of our control. We will always be polluted by public discourse. Don’t tell me you don’t look or judge others. Hence, superego. You think you can handle all the things people talk or think about you but perspectives and living are epheremal and temporary. Again, there is no perfect truth. Maybe math.
You will always be irrational because everything is illogical. There is no logic. One person might think that way and you might thing elsewhere. It’s irrational because 50% of the readers will agree to this and 50% might find this crap. Thus, we explain by how our emotions always interefere with our sense of truth. It’s like your heart is at your buttocks. Your emotion gets you to do shitty things. What will other people think of you now? Life is nothing but layers of visible and invisible cliche’s and story lines. You get painful stories about you, we are ultimately subject to talks, natural selection, laws of accelerating returns.
Slowly, you realises what people tell you or how others view you will inevitably affect you in one way or another. There is no event or action that is completely beneficial for you to overcome it. We should all just practice the way of tao, meaning, not doing anything at all because by doing something, we disturb the universe, the enviroment , our life. Surely, we will do something because our head and heart are somewhere where it isn’t , literally. With that, we will always be an agent of some evil. You will be the vehicle of stupid actions that are equally as inane as the sin of others, unconsciously of course. There is no absolute good actions. You will never precisely do what you are suppose to do. There is always so much more beyond your awareness because everything is not seemed but is impossible.
Looking at the bright side, you will always be part of the existing process. Yes! People know you exist. People not knowing you, sees you at least. So, you will be a natural fake. At some point, you know faking it doesn’t satisfy you. You know everything people think about you is not how you think of yourself. Duh. Other words, you have no total control. You won’t be able to win them all. Someone will always hate you no matter what. Then, you started breaking down. You cannot escape your emotions. You cannot forget the past. Something will always haunt you. Some things you will never get over. You will never get rid the world of evil and cruelty. Sadlyand finally, you will never reach your full potential.
I am accepting the fact that I cannot accept myself. I am only ignoring everything because I can’t accept anything.
Posted in Uncategorized on August 30, 2009 by Stella Chan
When I was little,
I had a lush dream,
That one day I find
And marry a prince.
He’d sit by my side,
Up there on our throne,
With king and queen,
So we’re never alone.
I can honestly say,
My dream has come true
And you’d never believe
Just how much I love you.
I may not be princess
And you may not be prince
But together we’re perfect
Just like in my dream.
Rosebud
Posted in Uncategorized on August 28, 2009 by Stella ChanA single rose can be my garden…a single person, my world.
What hurts the most for your part
Posted in Uncategorized on August 21, 2009 by Stella Chan
It’s been a month since we first met. Since that first meeting, feels like everything has changed. Since we’ve been together, I must admit I go crazy for you. I’ll be holding on to you but instead I tell you things has changed, they’re not the same. What hurts the most is letting go. I just want you to know I like you so. I know things are different now, you rushing and demanding of me. I thought you for sure you would always wait for me. I tell you what hurts the most is I should take that chance but you came to me and offered me your hand. Silly of me I thought you always have my heart. I had the chance to love, I miss you. Maybe what we had is about to be through. I really, really wish I could be happy for you.
Let love find you (for Angela)
Posted in Uncategorized on August 20, 2009 by Stella Chan“You know how some people spend their entire lives waiting on someone?”
“Yeah, sure. I suppose.”
“I feel like I’m there. When you’re staring at the toaster waiting for it to pop, when you’re glaring at the pot waiting for it to boil, when you’re watching the sky waiting for the star to fall.”
“Who are you waiting on?”
“I’m not sure to be honest. I don’t know his name yet, but I know he’s out there.”
“What’s he like?”
“He’ll be tall because I want to be able to wear high-heels. He’ll be smart because I don’t want to dumb myself down when I’m talking to him. He’ll have a sense of humor so he’ll be able to laugh when I screw up. He won’t be perfect but he’ll be perfect for me.”
“Sounds specific. Should we have try outs?”
“What? No. He isn’t the type of guy who would show up to something like that. He likes the waiting, he thinks the waiting is what makes the toast hit that perfect degree of crunch, what makes the star so beautiful when it plunges. If we didn’t wait, it would be raw, it wouldn’t be ready.”
“That makes sense. What about you, do you like the waiting?”
“I eat my toasts cold, what do you think?”
“Touche.”
“But for him, I think I’ll be able to wait. I think I could be one of those kids waiting all night for a midnight showing because they know the movie is going to be just that good. Maybe he has some growing up to do, maybe I have something to learn before we crash into each other. Maybe. The waiting will be worth it though.”
“And what are you going to do while you wait?”
“Think. Dream. Eat a raw bread.”
Ay, te extrano
Posted in Uncategorized on August 18, 2009 by Stella Chan| El tiempo pasa y pasa, y yo sigo asi queriendote en mis brazos sin poderte tener Y busco una salida para no verme asi hay que lejos de mi lado tu amor esta de mi Yo lloro y lloro al saber que no estas Con mis labios mira mami yo te quiero besar y trato y trato por no sentirme asi pero es malo saber que ya no me quieres a mi (yeah check it out now) Coro: Mira como estoy sufriendo me quemo por dentro por sentir tu amor Mami no me hagas eso sabes que te quiero con todo el corazon Te amo y te extraño quiero verte junto a Ayy Te amo Como me duele estar sin ti tu no me Mira como estoy sufriendo me quemo por dentro Mira como estoy sufriendo me quemo por dentro |
Time passes and passes, and I keep loving you in my arms without being able to have you. And I look for an exit so that I don’t keep seeing how far your love is from my side. I cry when I think that you are not there. With my lips, look girl, I want to kiss you and I try and I try not to feel like this but it is so hard to to know that you don’t love me back. (Yeah, check it out now) Chorus: I love you and I miss you. Chorus: Oh I love you, how it hurts me to be without you, you don’t love me. Look at how I am suffering, I am burning inside for your love (for your love). Look how I am suffering, I am burning inside for your love. |
by Xtreme
Watching Beethoven Virus
Posted in Uncategorized on August 16, 2009 by Stella Chan
Starring Jang Geun Suk, Lee Jia, and Kim Myung Min. I’m mainly here because I adore the first two actors, but also because, music + love triangles is some sort of irresistible combination that will kill me one day. KMM is a middle-aged orchestra conductor named Kang Gun Woo, very strait-laced, and convinced that classical music is for only the best people. JGS plays a policeman of the same name, but completely different personality – and who happens to be gifted with perfect pitch and the ability to replicate any song he hears. (Dude, I want perfect pitch.) LJA plays Du Ru Mi (do re mi, anyone?), 1st violin and free spirit. (Poor girl got sick with overwork yesterday, let’s hope she gets better soon.)
Already gone by Kelly Clarkson
Posted in Uncategorized on August 14, 2009 by Stella ChanRemember all the things we wanted Now all our memories, they're haunted We were always meant to say goodbye Even with our fists held high It never would have worked out right, yeah We were never meant for do or die... I didn't want us to burn out I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop... I want you to know It doesn't matter where we take this road Someone's gotta go And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone Looking at you makes it harder But I know that you'll find another That doesn't always make you wanna cry It started with the perfect kiss then We could feel the poison set in "Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive You know that I love you so I love you enough to let you go I want you to know It doesn't matter where we take this road Someone's gotta go And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone I'm already gone, already gone You can't make it feel right When you know that it's wrong I'm already gone, already gone There's no moving on So I'm already gone Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone Remember all the things we wanted Now all our memories, they're haunted We were always meant to say goodbye... I want you to know It doesn't matter where we take this road Someone's gotta go And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone I'm already gone, already gone You can't make it feel right When you know that it's wrong I'm already gone, already gone There's no moving on, So I'm already gone
Jo , already gone...
