Warped & twisted

Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I’m warped & twisted
So many tricks & so many lies
Too many whens & too many whys
Nobody’s special, nobody’s gifted
I’m just me, warped & twisted
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number’s unlisted
Lost in someone so warped & twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I’ve bled
I’m not gone, my mind has drifted
Don’t expect much, I’m warped & twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today’s just yesterday’s tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I’m still here, warped & twisted

Bottle it up

My right hand was moving back and forth. My left hand was tapping on the keys. Then, together they met and played with the keys. They moved gradually from a key to another, doing something they were used to. Here goes:

Like any other day, I was walking down the faded orange pathway from school. Something stroked me and set me into a mood. As if Sara Bareilles was singing to me, I was walking down that faded orange pathway like a cheap movie star in a budgeted movie about poor love.

I was angry, calm, sad, happy, annoyed, excited but rather confused.

Bottling it up, I was only trying to sing to you, “only thing I ever could need, only one good thing worth trying to be and it’s love, love, love…I do it for love.”

Love…love…love…

Hypocrisy

A hypocrite is defined as someone who pretends to be better that he really is or to be pious or virtuous without being so. A hypocrite is someone who says one thing and does the opposite.

The main reason is people have double standards. They desire to have the best of two worlds. They go to church but as soon as they walk out the door , they are back to living their “regular” lives. They say they are going out for official business but they end up on another bed who aren’t their own. They say they don’t drink and next , they are doing things they can’t remember tomorrow.

“Doing the right thing” doesn’t mean to do what best serves our lustful desires. A lack of respect for seducing nature of sin has led many to hypocritical lives. In our heart of hearts , we are fully aware of what is wrong morally but we do it anyway because it feels good and it is convenient. We swore that we will never tell others our secret but we tell the whole world anyway. We can’t resist gossiping , telling tales and making up stories because it is fun , exciting and addictive like taking drugs. We can accidentally slip some information to others or simply we intend to tell from the start.

These people who commits hypocritical acts naturally use some rationalization to justify their actions. A man who commits adultery may say he loses control when he is drunk or getting high on drugs. The ultimate rationalization is the phrase, ” I just can’t help myself”. With rationalization , they are actually relieving their guilts and responsibilities.

It is utterly impossible to find anyone who intends to be a hypocrite. People start off with good intentions but along their way , their moral values somehow get off track. Because we like the things of the world , compromise is inevitable for those who play with temptations. If you keep dancing at the edge of abyss , you’ll eventually fall in. It takes people who are humble and honest to realize their limits.

The apostle Paul once said “Abstain from all appearance of evils.” (1 Thes 5 :22) Do notice that he said we should not abstain from whatever is wrong but also abstain from whatever appears to be wrong. What makes his good advice to follow is our inability , at times to use proper judgment in avoiding sins. By the time we’ve gone too far , its too difficult to turn around.

We are in fact lack of willpower to abstain from wrong doings. It is difficult to contradict with our fleshly desires over moral values that we take for granted. I am not saying we do not have a certain moral standards but we take them too lightly. Only the decline of moral standards , we shift away from hypocrisy to morality. We live by a moral code, we will be violating something we vowed to uphold in the first place. We should not contradict ourselves.

Living in the world of hypocrisy, I realize I can’t do anything about it. It’s nice to point out hypocrites for excuses, but there is nothing I can do to better my odds. God has determined our fate. The occurrence of hypocrisy is worse than anything else. It demonstrates how difficult it is to resist sin. Reality is that people are unable to live perfect lives.

I am trying to tell the truth now. =)

i want to be closer to you

failed lucid dream

I always have the ability to take control  of my dream. I can also recall them if I want to.  As if I am conscious , I am in control of myself and the environment of my dreams. My last dream proved me wrong. As if I was possessed , my hands were pulled to my back. I was unable to move. In my dream , I was cornered by someone. He was so closed to me. I felt  his breathing on my neck. Then, there was this private moment. I wished for it not to stop. It lasted only for awhile. Next, I was released , like a shock wave gone through me, I was plunged from my bed. KIA LANG AH!

Look at the bigger picture.

Nothing nice

Seriously, I don’t care about the parodies you just wrote. You made me sound like an old hag who loves to find fault with you. Same to you, your apology is never sincere. I think I know you Shaun, and you have not change a bit. I am tired to be the last friend standing. I am tired of driving meanings into your thick skull. And maybe even this you think is senseless and one of my gibberish talk. I am not having a Cold War with you, I simply surrendered to this friendship.

Parody time. And let’s go back to the ’80s.

Toni Basil’s Hey Mickey. Which I’m pretty sure most of you know the annoying tune.

****

*Drum intro*

Hey Stella, you ain’t fine, you ain’t fine when you whine, Oh Stella, Oh Stella
Hey Stella, you ain’t fine, you ain’t fine when you whine, Oh Stella, Oh Stella
Hey Stella, you ain’t fine, you ain’t fine when you whine, Oh Stella, Oh Stella
Hey Stella, you ain’t fine, you ain’t fine when you whine, Oh Stella

Hey Stella,
I can’t talk to you ‘cos you told me not to but,
That doesn’t mean I can’t sing
This really silly song
Why can’t you say sorry
And that’s what I’m waiting for, Stella

‘Cos you don’t want to hear
Me apologising
You said you didn’t want it
So what am I to do?
Except sing this silly song so you know that fact,
Stella

Oh Stella, what a pity you don’t understand
You said, ‘Dun talk to me’
That means, ‘She just wants some space’
Oh Stella, you’re so stubborn
I bet you know that fact
We gotta stop fighting, Stella
Come on, Stella, you know it
Stella
Let’s make peace again, Stella

Hey Stella
It’s a poor way to start the year
Put our feud aside
I’m singing this song
So that you will hear
I hope that you accept
Please don’t say, ‘No’, Stella

So I’m just saying sorry
Even though you don’t want it
Let bygones be bygones
This ain’t how it’s gonna end
Please, Stella, please
You know how dumb it is, Stella

Oh Stella, what a pity you don’t understand
You said, ‘Dun talk to me’
That means, ‘She just wants some space’
Oh Stella, you’re so stubborn
I bet you know that fact
We gotta stop fighting, Stella
Come on, Stella, you know it
Stella
Let’s make peace again, Stella

Oh, Stella, please don’t go, please don’t go and just say, ‘No’. Hey Stella, Hey Stella
Oh, Stella, please don’t go, please don’t go and just say, ‘No’. Hey Stella, Hey Stella
Oh, Stella, please don’t go, please don’t go and just say, ‘No’. Hey Stella, Hey Stella
Oh, Stella, please don’t go, please don’t go and just say, ‘No’. Hey Stella

Oh Stella, what a pity you don’t understand
You said, ‘Dun talk to me’
That means, ‘She just wants some space’
Oh Stella, you’re so stubborn
I bet you know that fact
We gotta stop fighting, Stella
Come on, Stella, you know it
Stella
Let’s make peace again, Stella

Oh Stella, what a pity you don’t understand
You said, ‘Dun talk to me’
That means, ‘She just wants some space’
Oh Stella, you’re so stubborn
I bet you know that fact
We gotta stop fighting, Stella
Come on, Stella, you know it
Stella
Let’s make peace again, Stella

You know I can last longer in a Cold War than you, Stella. But that doesn’t mean I enjoy it. And I’m not enjoying it. Sorry, Stella. It might not be wholly my fault, but sorry, Stella.

Hot of the heels of the first song today, comes another one.

Justin Timberlake’s Cry Me A River

We had a fight, I called you a name
You just went too far and I had to play a new game, yeah
Couldn’t stand it, you crossed my line
So all I did was to give you a piece of my mind, yeah

I don’t have say, ‘Sorry’ for, what I’ve said, you deserved it
I’ll apologise, for other things, but not this word
Because girl, you damn well deserved it

I’ll say that I’m sorry, don’t you worry
For other things
But not for that word ‘cos you deserved it, that’s for sure

Girl I refuse
Please don’t be confused
It’s not for that word
‘Sorry’’s just for
The rest of our fight
I’m just

Sorry for our fight
Sorry for our fight
Sorry for our fight
Sorry for our fight
Yeah yeah

I know that you sometimes use another word for me
I didn’t raise hell over that fact ‘cos I think I deserve it (Don’t act like you don’t deserve yours)
That was the only time I think you need to be called that (only time for that)
But we shouldn’t have fought and I am sorry for that feud

I don’t have say, ‘Sorry’ for, what I’ve said, you deserved it
I’ll apologise, for other things, but not this word
Because girl, you damn well deserved it

I’ll say that I’m sorry, don’t you worry
For other things
But not for that word ‘cos you deserved it, that’s for sure

Girl I refuse
Please don’t be confused
It’s not for that word
‘Sorry’’s just for
The rest of our fight
I think

You deserve that one time
You deserve that one time
You deserve that one time

Oh,
The damage is done
That’s all I’m saying

Oh,
The damage is done
That’s all I’m saying

Oh,
The damage is done
I don’t wanna fight anymore

I don’t have say, ‘Sorry’ for, what I’ve said, you deserved it
I’ll apologise, for other things, but not this word
Because girl, you damn well deserved it

I’ll say that I’m sorry, don’t you worry
For other things
But not for that word ‘cos you deserved it, that’s for sure

Girl I refuse
Please don’t be confused
It’s not for that word
‘Sorry’’s just for
The rest of our fight
I’m just

Sorry for our fight
Sorry for our fight
Sorry for our fight
Sorry for our fight
Sorry for our fight…

That’s about it. I wanted to do a parody of Timbaland’s ‘Apologize’, but I decided ‘Cry My A River’’s a catchier alternative. Not to mention Apologize is a nice song that I don’t want to deface so soon yet.

Basically, I’ll take the blame for everything, except using that word. The song said it all, and I’m sticking to that, Stella.