Closing this chapter of my life. i want to keep the memories here.
I first see him at band idol. he was wearing redshirt. looking nice. but there is sumthing abt him when he play his drum. i fall in love then. i invited him for the halloween party. i remember the time i peep by the window when he was sitting by the piano.
i was alone at home when my sis and mom go to bintulu. he become closer to me , chatting with me in msn. we played the question game.
we went to watch harry potter. on that night , we decide to have a relationship.
excited abt our first date, i dare him to hold my hands 3 hr. and he did it.
on christmas , we spend the whole day together. we dunno how to shop but walk around senselessly. we dunno how to play bowling , we jz sit by the window. in king kong movie , dats our first kiss.
on valentine’s day , he gav me a box of chocolates , a bracelet and a necklace. i ate the chocolates and keep the ribbon. i wear the bracelet and lost the second day. i keep the necklace in my jeans but i broke it.
we celebrated his birthday. i gav him a huge red patrick. because i think it look like him. so cute and clumsy looking. we watched sum movie that starring jennifer annitson. we are making so much noise , we used his patrick to cover us.
i started lying to my parents abt my choir practices. i told them my practice would be long because i need to do sumthing later because i am president. i went reservoir park with him. we would walk around the park and settle down by the bench. we would spend hours talking and hugging. i called him a bad kisser.
on my bday , he didnt giv me anything because i insist. when i am in the car going back from sch , he send me reload, saying its nothing better than spend time talking with me.
on the damai trip , we shared a room with my friend. we never have privacy until they go for morning breakfast. they would turn the music loud , so they cant hear us making noise. that night is the best night because i get to hug him to sleep. he was snorring so loud that i woke him up. he said he was having nightmare.
soon after the trip , i was selected for national service. i parted with him for the first time. almost everyday i miss him. the first night there was horrible. i was so alone.
when i get to call him , it was like receiving presents from santa. we would talk long and hard. when its time to hand over the phone , i would plead them not to.
my ns friend taught me a lot of things. although some of them turned out not be a good friend.
when i come back for cny holiday, he brought me to chef at home. he even giv me a present but i scare to bring it home.
when i go back to ns , i felt even hard to put down the phone.
its a rainy day when i come back from ns, i was cold shivering waiting at the sunny hill bus stop. but its really warm when he called me when i reached home.
while waiting for the jpa, i hope i get the scholarship but i prayed it won’t make me leave him.
we got into our first real fight , the issue of breaking up came up. when i calm down from anger , i start to cry. he really meant a lot to me. i apologize and hope to change.
but i am a person of pride. i talk another thing when i am with friends and i will talk another thing when i am with him. i am a hopeless hipocrite. i selfish enough to tell him to please me. surprise me.
he gav me a necklace when we watch spiderman 3. i got mad because he doesnt surprise me. how selfish of me. before going home , i would walk the stairs down ,and mushy him.
we watch pirates of the carribean after 2 weeks , i din even please him. i din even see him in the eyes.
that morning , i got mad at him when he finally can get online. we broke up. i thought he wasnt serious. he is because i hurt him so deep. i just don’t understand until now.
now its my loss to lose someone so great and caring to me. i just want him back so much that i don’t even hear him. i am the worst person ever. karma.
love is not a game. its never a game unless u name it. its always a serious mature thing.
there is nothing i can do now. god , jz dun let me forget all this, have mercy and let me keep them as memories. thats all i have now.
Emotional stella.
