Final is coming soon but the whole house is hooked up with Rappelz. Hey, check out the new food blogs. They only make me go hungry.

I went to sleep reading this

“Truth resides in every human heart, and one has to search for it there and to be guided by truth as one sees it. But no one has a right to coerce others to act according to his own view of truth.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty” ~Mother Teresa

Bite me

I am 20. I am not getting younger. Bite me. Don’t get frustrated when I am grumpy. Just, I don’t want to change into another person. I am me. I am the girl who doesn’t know when her period comes. I sleep when dawn comes and wake up when the sun is up at its highest. I don’t think about calories , I just eat the food I love. I can talk to you all day long when I am happy and shut you up when I am sad. I can’t stay angry all the time  because I get tired of scrunching my face. I am indefinitely carefree or stressed out. The world is always at my shoulder. That’s just me. I am worried about my friends who can’t get a decent love, I am worried about people who doesn’t care about their grades, I am worried about girls who wants to get married straight away, I am worried about people not fitting in, I am worried whether everyone gets food, I am worried about people who back stab each other, I am worried about people killing each other, I am worried about the world going to a change. It’s the norm of life. Don’t tell me what I should do or shouldn’t. Don’t ask me to stop writing. Just fucking support me.

Waking up

“Time passes. even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevently, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.”
Chapter 4, New Moon, Stephanie Meyer

I said I miss you even when you are with me is to tell you I miss you so much more when you are not with me.

I miss my best friend, Claire.

I miss my other half, Jo.

I miss my love, Teddy.

La vita e bella

You can’t guilt until you try

You can’t live  until you die

You can’t learn to tell the truth until you learn to lie

You can’t breathe until you choke

You gotta laugh when you are the fake

There’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Just open your eyes

And see that life is beautiful

August movies!

1.Julie and Julia (Meryl Streep and Amy Adams on their way to mastering arts of french cooking)

2. A perfect getaway (Mila Jovonich escaping from things that wants to kill her , again)

3. Spread (Hot hot Ashton Kutcher who is sleeping around with girls, again)

4. The Time Traveler’s Wife (aw romantic)

5. Inglorious Bastards (another Quentin Tarantino movie with Brad Pitt in it)

6. Post Grad (Alexis Blendel soulsearching her life again)

7. The World’s Greatest Dad (another inspiring movie by Robin Williams)

8. Final Destination 4 ( hey ,I follow this series)

9. Halloween 2 (murderfeast)

10. Alice in the Wonderland (Tim Burton’s version of Alice with Johnny Deep, Anne Hathaway and Alan Rickman)

11. Jennifer’s Body (Megan Fox is turning me on again, now with bloody gore)

12. Dorian Gray (painting changes while the man stays the same)

The sound of her talking was so much a part of my world that I couldn’t hear it anymore. To be angry was temporary. The world was a place that needs much tolerance. (Exerpt from The story of Edgar Sawtelle)

Seriously

“ I need to admit up front that I don’t know how to have a fling. I’m not good at playing around and then saying good-bye. I’m throwing myself at your feet because I’m hoping for a shot at forever. You don’t have to say anything now, no promises required. I just thought you should know.”

Another lengthy post

“Often it is the most deserving peoplewho cannot help loving those who destroy them.”

Ignorance is a bliss because if you don’t know anything, it can’t hurt you. Back to when we just started to walk and talk,  we are ourselves and we get along easily. As we age, the further we lose ourselves, and hide ourselves because the fear of others. As we grow more mature, we become increasingly aware of pain and sufferings, we know about how wrong is the world, and how we lose our innocence compare to ourselves when we are still a child.

Veritas vincit omnia, truth reveals all. When we don’t meet up with our life’s expectation, we will hopefully get some comfort from someone, somewhere, sometime in fantasy-land. Let’s suck up. Deep down at the core, we know nobody will ever understand you completely. It is mentally and biologically impossible. So, you can only speak of yourself. You go on thinking about you, talking about you and do things about you. The world just suddenly revolves around you.

The things you know about others, the ways to communicate then the part where people comprehend will always be distorted. The ugly truth is there is no such thing as perfect trust. Much of our life is directed by things preceding us , therefore out of our control. We will always be polluted by public discourse. Don’t tell me you don’t look or judge others. Hence, superego. You think you can handle all the things people talk or think about you but perspectives and living are epheremal and temporary. Again, there is no perfect truth. Maybe math.

You will always be irrational because everything is illogical. There is no logic. One person might think that way and you might thing elsewhere. It’s irrational because 50% of the readers will agree to this and 50% might find this crap. Thus, we explain by how our emotions always interefere with our sense of truth. It’s like your heart is at your buttocks. Your emotion gets you to do shitty things. What will other people think of you now? Life is nothing but layers of visible and invisible cliche’s and story lines. You get painful stories about you, we are ultimately subject to talks, natural selection, laws of accelerating returns.

Slowly, you realises what people tell you or how others view you will inevitably affect you in one way or another. There is no event or action that is completely beneficial for you to overcome it. We should all just practice the way of tao, meaning, not doing anything at all because by doing something, we disturb the universe, the enviroment , our life. Surely, we will do something because our head and heart are somewhere where it isn’t , literally. With that, we will always be an agent of some evil. You will be the vehicle of stupid actions  that are equally as inane as the sin of others, unconsciously of course. There is no absolute good actions. You will never precisely do what you are suppose to do. There is always so much more beyond your awareness because everything is not seemed but is impossible.

Looking at the bright side, you will always be part of the existing process. Yes! People know you exist. People not knowing you, sees you at least. So, you will be a natural fake. At some point, you know faking it doesn’t satisfy you. You know everything people think about you is not how you think of yourself. Duh. Other words, you have no total control.  You won’t be able to win them all. Someone will always hate you no matter what. Then, you started breaking down. You cannot escape your emotions. You cannot forget the past. Something will always haunt you. Some things you will never get over. You will never get rid the world of evil and cruelty. Sadlyand finally, you will never reach your full potential.

I am accepting the fact that I cannot accept myself. I am only ignoring everything because I can’t accept anything.